The 10 Best Kept Secrets to Actually Believe in Yourself

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How to always believe in yourself, you ask? The internet is full of tips and bits of advice about how to believe in yourself, but the problem is that most of them are not telling the whole truth! 

As someone who spent years trying to understand how to believe in myself, I quickly realized people were giving me shallow advice. So, I made it my mission to understand what really works when trying to believe in yourself no matter what!  

Since I want to run the world, I wrote this post to spill all the tea and tell you the 10 best-kept secrets to (actually) believing in yourself.

Let’s get this party started! But first, make sure to save this post so you can always refer back to it later!

How to believe in yourself 

#1 Self-belief is an ability that can be learned

I see so many people thinking that believing in yourself is like a magical personality trait that some gracious people are born with. Just to leave the rest of us struggling…

But that’s not the real story. In reality, although some people naturally have a more charismatic and assured personality, most confident people are not always like that. 

If you don’t feel confident now, this is not your lifelong destiny. You can change your story! 

Don’t feel discouraged about your past. You can work on your self-perception and become a person who genuinely believes in yourself. 

What does it mean to believe in yourself?

#2 True self-belief starts inside

It all starts with the story you have been telling yourself inside. 

If you spend your days contemplating how you are not good enough and how everyone is so ahead of you… Well, this is the reality that you are going to perpetuate. 

When you do that, you are training your brain to focus only on the things that will strengthen this perspective. When I say “those things,” I mean your flaws, insecurities, etc., rather than other people’s strengths. 

This is the worldview you are curating: the story about how you are not good enough! 

Like a good soldier, your brain will follow your instructions and show how your outlook is right. 

But the truth is, those are just thought distortions! They are not an accurate representation of reality! 

Now let’s imagine a different scenario. What if, instead of the defeat story you are trapped right now, you started changing your inner dialogue?

What if you began to say things like, “I am finding ways to become my best self? I am finishing every day, leaving it better than I found it. Every day, I become more and more like my best self.” 

In the same way, you would be training your brain to focus on things that would make this perspective more substantial. With those things being your small wins, daily moments of gratitude, and decisions that made you proud of yourself. 

A new worldview would be created: the story about how amazing you are! And that’s a much better story. 

I go deep into the practical everyday side of creating your new empowered narrative inside The 21-Day Self-Discovery Plan. If you feel like need extra help on this, then this might be your next step.

Believe in yourself inspiration

#3 Your brain is more important than what you see in the mirror…

Believing in yourself is a game played inside your head. I have seen girls who were professional models think and act like they were not good enough, even though they looked flawless! 

In the same way, I’ve seen people who are very far from our society’s beauty standards live lives where no one can drag their self-belief down. 

It’s all about what you believe to be the truth about yourself. Our words and thoughts are self-fulfilling prophecies. What you think you become. 

How do I start to believe in myself?

#4 …But the mirror can help as an ally

On the other hand, I genuinely believe that the mirror can become an ally in the process. Have you ever tried a new dress and felt like a goddess? 

Start making a deal with yourself to put a little effort into how you present yourself. Not because of others, but because of you! 

By doing that, you can be happily surprised every time you check yourself out in the mirror during the day.

Simple things like brushing your teeth, showering, wearing a little perfume, and wearing clothes that make you feel confident can go a long way toward improving your self-perception. 

How do I program my mind to believe in myself?

#5 Trick your brain and change your beliefs, creating small daily wins to feel like the badass that you are 

Remember when I told you that your brain is a good soldier that loves to follow orders? 

Besides that, the brain is very judgy, and it’s also giving meaning to everything you do. 

The good news is that you can use this in your favor, asking our good friend, self-efficacy, to come for a little playdate. 

I already presented the concept of self-efficacy a dozen times in this blog. But let’s just recap what this baby we borrowed from psychology is about. 

According to Albert Bandura, psychologist and Stanford professor (look at our fancy references in this blog!):

“Self-efficacy refers to an individual’s belief in his or her capacity to execute behaviors necessary to produce specific performance attainments (…). reflects confidence in the ability to exert control over one’s own motivation, behavior, and social environment. These cognitive self-evaluations influence all manner of human experience, including the goals for which people strive, the amount of energy expended toward goal achievement, and likelihood of attaining particular levels of behavioral performance.” – American Psychological Association 

Now translating to real-life terms: when you succeed at a task, you put a little block on your “I believe in myself!” wall. When you fail at a task, you take out a little block at your “I believe in myself!” wall.

I am sharing this with you because you can use it in your favor! I like to call this “scheduling your victories.”  

Choose something that you really want to do, like reading a book or going for a run. Now, make this a ridiculously easy goal, like reading for 3 minutes or running for 4 minutes. 

Put on your schedule that YOU WILL do that during the day and make it a priority. 

As you start to get those small wins in, your self-efficacy levels will begin to rise. Because building the “I believe in myself!” wall is not about the size of the task, but the fact that the task was complete! 

This will completely change your self-perspective and beliefs about who you are and what you can do—for the better.

This is such an easy trick, but it’s so powerful. 

As you build it up, you will start to feel confident about taking on more significant tasks. And guess what? You will crush them like a rockstar! 

Believe in yourself for you

#6 You can use social media in your favor 

According to the study “The Real Truth About Beauty: Revisited”, only 4% of women consider themselves beautiful. 

On the other hand, 80% of women agree that every woman has something about her that is beautiful, even though they don’t see their own beauty.

I don’t know about you, but those numbers break my heart. 

After looking at them for a while, I started to understand something exciting behind them. 

Picture this with me… If I can see the beauty in other women, even though I cannot see it in myself, I can actually use this to turn this picture around. 

The way to do this is to curate what types of beauty you will surround yourself with. 

If you only follow Instagram Models who have bodies that are incredibly different from yours… you will continually feel like there is something wrong with you.

But this is only happening because your references are off. 

Imagine what would happen if you start to curate your social media with a beauty that is similar to yours. Same body type, similar hair, skin, face structure… 

You would start to recognize beauty in others—like you are already doing—and be able to carry that beauty to yourself. 

I already did that experiment. It brought me AMAZING results, not only for my self-esteem but also for my confidence. 

Just give it a shot, you have nothing to lose!

Believe in yourself for success

#7 Your relationships can make you or break you

Okay, let’s break this down into two parts: what your relationships say about you and how your relationships influence your behaviors. 

First thing: Do you regularly find yourself in toxic relationships? Do you feel that you always give more to people than they give to you? 

If so, those relationships are just reflecting (again) the beliefs and self-perceptions you have about yourself. 

When you allow yourself to stay in relationships where you are not treated with respect, you confirm self-beliefs of not being good enough. You will keep justifying the way others treat you. 

Also, it’s crucial to notice that I am talking about not only romantic relationships but also friends, co-workers, and even family members. 

That’s why it’s so important to curate your relationships to have by your side people who cherish and treat you with love and respect. 

Now going to our second point, you have probably already read or heard this:

 “You’re the average of the five people spend the most time with” – Jim Rohn

In summary, this means that we are greatly influenced by the ones closest to us. Our worldview, what we talk about, how we see ourselves, and so much more. 

If the people around you are negative, continually talking bad about themselves, and criticizing everything and everyone, this will play a huge part in how you see yourself and the frame of mind you carry. 

Once more, that’s why curating your relationships is so important! Choose with care who you want close to you. 

How do you mentally believe in yourself?

#8 Constant self-development is essential to keep taking your self-belief to new levels

Self-development is a lifestyle.

 It’s not about reading one book and a few blog posts here and there. This is about making a commitment to yourself that you will always be growing, learning new things, and investing in the most essential asset of your life: yourself. 

The more you invest in yourself, the more confident you are, and the more your self-belief has the base to reach higher levels. 

Although this takes work, it actually can be pretty fun! 

One of my favorite ways to invest in my self-development it’s through books.

I am an avid reader. My husband and I are always talking about what we are reading and adding new things to the family books list. 

If you want some ideas about what books would be an excellent start for you, here are some of my all-time favorites for confidence building:

Books on confidence and self-esteem

• Believe IT: How to Go from Underestimated to Unstoppable, by Jamie Kern Lima

Jamie’s story of going from a struggling waitress to the first female CEO at L’Oréal is breathtaking, majorly relatable, and inspirational. This book is packed with practical advice and will get you fired up to get up and take over the world!

• Untamed, by Glennon Doyle

I don’t have the words to describe how profoundly this book impacted my life. Glennon’s memoir invites us to look at ourselves and the world with fresh eyes and open arms. It will make you stop, think, and re-evaluate your choices, views, relationships… It’s a deeeeeep dive kinda book, so proceed with caution.

• Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life, by Jamie Kern Lima

Yes, this is a double Jamie list! Worthy has been one of my most meaningful books this year. The opening chapters lovingly explain the difference between self-confidence and self-worth, and on its own, that could be the whole book, and it would already be deeply transformative! But Jamie goes further, unpacking the journey of self-worth building with actionable, doable steps. She even shares worksheets and graphics! Seriously, it’s a gem!

Movies about self esteem

Another exciting and delightful way to invest in yourself and plant some seeds of growth inside your cute little head is through movies. Yep, you read it correctly! 

Do you know that self-development movies are ACTUALLY a thing? They can add so much to your life and help you learn and make sense of ideas you would never be able to in other ways. 

I also wrote a post with my TOP 10 Self-development movies! Get your popcorn and Netflix ready, you can read all about it here.

How to believe in yourself after failure?

#9 Take back the power from your past

It’s not because you failed once that failure will always be your story. 

Giving yourself permission to start over and write a new story, the story you truly want is obligatory if you’re going to really nail this “believe in yourself” thing. 

If you continue punishing yourself for past mistakes, missed opportunities will only lower your self-efficacy levels (remember?) and make you feel trapped in the past. 

You have everything you need to become the woman you always wanted to become. But you need to let the past go to be her. 

How to believe in yourself when you don’t?

#10 It’s okay to not feel okay sometimes. This doesn’t mean all your self-belief is gone.

We all have days where we just don’t feel like a real-life goddess walking around. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that all your magic and self-belief are gone!

Maybe it’s your hormones, your cycle, something you eat, a situation that is stressing you out… 

The important thing during those days is to investigate your thoughts and feelings and understand where they are coming from. After that, allow yourself to feel all of your emotions, don’t pretend they don’t exist. 

Then, aim to create a relaxing environment (I have some ideas on how you can create the most relaxing and mindful night ever here in this post). This will help you to reflect and recharge yourself. And then, move on! 

Last thoughts on how to believe in yourself and be confident

Those are my 10 best-kept secrets for actually believing in yourself! I hope they inspired you, gave you clarity, and gave you perspective.

You are amazing, and you were born with a mission and a dream that will change the world. But the first step towards making that happen it’s to actually believe that you can! 

Are you feeling like a real-life goddess today? Or is it more like one of those days when you just want to stay inside, watch TV, and eat ice cream? 

Let me know in the comments!

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