9 Lies About Building Self Confidence

Last Updated on April 29, 2024 by Isabelle Dias

Building self confidence: Lose ten pounds, they said. Invest in a good skincare routine, they said. Get as many likes as possible on your selfies, they said. Get a boyfriend who loves you, they said. AND THEN, you will be confident.

It seems so easy. So, why the confidence boost that those things give you does not seem to stick? The reality is that we have been given so much fake advice on building self-confidence, that it’s getting harder and harder to differentiate truth from lies. But not anymore.

In this post, I will show you the most common lies you have been told about becoming a confident woman and what ACTUALLY works.

Get comfy and grab yourself some coffee or tea, because we are in for a treat of #realitycheck today, mama!

Tips for building self confidence

#1 Self-confident women were always like that

Nope, they were not. If you research the lives of some of the greatest icons of confident womanhood we know today, most of them had tough starts in the relationship with themselves.

Oprah, Michelle Obama, Rihanna, Taylor Swift, Jennifer Lopez… Google it! You will find incredible overcoming stories and also that some of them still work on self-esteem issues.

Self-love, self-acceptance, and self-confidence are all a journey. Becoming who you were always meant to be is a decision. Is today the day for the start of your self-confidence path?

#2 Changing your body will make you more confident

Well… Maybe at first.

If there is something in your body you want to change (because OF YOU, not because of outside pressure), go for it! For example, I feel more “like me” when my body looks a certain way, and it definitely boosts my confidence when I’m there. So, I get you.

But don’t fall into the trap of thinking that being 10 pounds lighter or having bigger boobies it’s the thing that will hold your confidence high and proud.

To TRULY be a self-confident woman, you need to deal with the bigger issues. What is underneath and no one sees – but you feel it.

Self-worth issues, limiting beliefs, and all that fun stuff. Without the inner work, everything else is just a quick fix.

Building self confidence activities

#3 When someone loves you, you will finally feel pretty, confident and worthy

Oh, darling, you are signing yourself up for a toxic relationship with that mindset. Trust me, I’ve been there.

I know movies and love songs created this messed up thinking that once someone loves you, this love is the thing that will teach you how to love yourself (we see you, Ed Sheeran!) But this is not how it works.

Actually, putting in someone else the responsibility of making your confidence problems go away, it’s the worst thing you could ever do for the relationship!

This person doesn’t have superpowers, and it’s a human being dealing with their own stuff, just like you. Don’t pick them to be your savior.

Even though a loving and supporting partner can help you see yourself with more kindness and give you support during difficult seasons, they are not capable of doing the hard work to change things inside of you.

Guess the ONLY person who is capable of teaching you how to love yourself? Hint hint: Y-O-U.

Building self confidence and self esteem

#4 Confident women never feel insecure

Going back to the first point: yep, they do! But they don’t let this control or stop them.

As human beings experiencing life on this earth, we will face moments when we feel insecure. And that’s perfectly normal.

What separates confident women from those struggling with low self-worth is what they decide to do in those moments.

The badass ones will take a second to remind themselves of who they are. Thinking about everything they already conquered, and how this next challenge may seem scary, but they have what it takes to succeed.

Feeling insecure from time to time doesn’t cancel or invalidate your self-confidence. Fear and anxious feelings are just signs telling us to stop and look closer, there is something you need to learn there.

#5 It’s impossible to become confident if you had low self-esteem your whole life

“It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

I am the captain of my soul.” – Invictus, by William Ernest Henley

Oh, I went there. I quoted the most quoted poem of all time. But just because it makes the point: you are the master of your fate!

Don’t believe in the lies that you are destined to live, always feeling unfulfilled. You don’t need to repeat the story. You can break the cycle. You can create a life you are completely in love with. You can become the most confident badass woman, you know!

You are the captain of your soul, babe. Allow yourself to start today and write the story you want to live and tell.

Building a strong self confidence

#6 You become self-confident when you stop failing

As a recovering control freak, I know it can be tempting to dream about a life where we never fail, and things always go as planned. But this is not the reality!

Quoting the queen Hannah Montana:

Mistakes are just a normal part of life. Even the most confident woman you know still makes mistakes. But, again, the difference is in how they see those mistakes!

When you start to own your mistakes to look closer and with kindness to yourself, learn how you can do better next time… You become unstoppable!

As you grow, mature and learn, probably you are gonna make fewer mistakes. But still, it’s important to remember that you are not a machine of fabricated perfection, and that…

You tell them, Hannah!

#7 You will only become fully confident once you reached all of your goals

I can describe the feeling of liberation that will happen to you as soon as you understand in your heart of hearts that life is a journey.

We are ALWAYS reaching for a new goal. And you should not wait to start living or become the person you always wanted to only once you have something in particular.

Guess what? Your confidence won’t magically appear once you get your dream job. It won’t show up overnight as soon as you become a Mrs. It will definitely not wondrously become part of your personality once your goal weight appears on the scale.

Reaching all those goals can boost your confidence, and getting there can be part of your journey of building your confidence, but they are not the holy grail.

You can have a hot body, the corner office, and a big diamond ring on your finger and still feel miserable and still not confident! Almost like living a lie.

Because although you have it all, inside you feel empty, outta place.

Work in the internal issues first. All the rest will follow.

And if by now you are:

“For the love of Oprah, Isabelle! How can I have more issues than Vogue, how can I start working on them?”

Fear not! Here are two blog posts that will give you the perfect kick start on that:

Confidence building and self esteem

#8 Once you are confident, you don’t need anyone

Although confidence will make you more self-sufficient, it’s essential to understand that you are a social creature by nature. Even if you see yourself as an introvert, you will need to deal with people.

One of the beautiful things about being confident is that you stop seeing people as the ones who need to validate you and fulfill your needs. You finally understand that you are the only one who can complete yourself.

But it’s also important to understand that having the right people by your side can help you experience life with so much more richness to it!

Surround yourself with good people and observe yourself bloom even more. You can also inspire others in their own self-confidence journey!

#9 Building self-confidence is a one time only process, once you made it through you are confident for life

Again: life is a journey, not a destination. The same goes for building self-confidence since it’s an ongoing process. So enjoy it!

It’s like a game with lots of phases. In the earlier ones, you will encounter more straightforward challenges. As you win and move to the next stage, you will meet new challenges.

Also, you will be leveling up your confidence, becoming more confident in yourself with every win.

The one difference is that in this game of life, you will acquire wisdom along the way and use it for all your new challenges. You will build trust and confidence in yourself and your abilities. And the things that used to scare you, in the beginning, are now battles you face with your head held up high!

Embrace the journey!

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Now, I really need to know: have you ever believed in any of those lies? And how do you feel now that you know they are not reality? I just can’t wait to hear from you!

If you enjoyed this post or have any questions, please feel free to leave me a comment below! I would love to hear from you!