How To Become A Confident Woman: 5 Simple Steps

If you are wondering how to become a confident woman, all the online advice can feel a bit overwhelming. In this post, my goal is to give you a streamlined step-by-step guide to being a beautiful and confident woman, sharing learnings from my confidence-building journey and scientifically backed best practices. 

Together, we will learn how to build confidence as a woman and what makes a confident woman, and I will also leave you with resources to keep building confidence even after you close this tab. 

This is one of those posts you’ll want to come back for reference later, so make sure to pin this! 

Disclaimer: This post may contain affiliate links. This means we may earn a small commission if you decide to purchase using a link we share. There is no additional cost for you, and it helps us to keep creating awesome content! So thank you! 💘✨

What causes low-self esteem in a woman?

Constantly comparing yourself to others (social media doesn’t make this easier), past failures, rejections, criticisms, and even dealing with trauma or abuse can all slowly chip away at self-esteem and confidence.

But it’s interesting how, most of the time, even with all this going on in your head, the people around you will still say that you are amazing! 

You are a good friend, a fantastic partner, the one people always can count on… But deep inside, you keep this dirty little secret: you don’t feel confident AT ALL! 

While everyone thinks you are the Belle of the ball, you feel more like the Beast. Before the transformation. Oh no… Are you faded to live like this forever?

 My confidence-building journey

For years, I have been in the same place you are right now. 

Sometimes, I felt so overwhelmed by my lack of self-confidence that I gave up on dream jobs, relationships, party invites, etc.

Looking back now, I can see that I was waiting to start living when I felt ready and confident. But that day never seemed to come! 

Fortunately, I overcame that, and today, I’m a proud owner of deep-rooted confidence in myself—and I feel no shame in owning it! 

For example, someone complimented me this past weekend, saying, “Wow! Your dress is beautiful!” Without even thinking, I replied with a big smile and an earnest “Thank you, I know!” which would have been absolutely impossible just a few years back. 

Living from this place of unashamed confidence just became the way I live life, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything! 

Now, it’s also important to acknowledge that the confidence-building journey is complex.

There are so many layers to what makes someone confident, especially what turns a low self-esteem person into a confident woman. 

So today, I want to share the exact steps I took to start this journey. They go way beyond just five ways to boost your confidence since they work on the deeper causes and roots of low self-confidence, building you up from the inside out. 

Are you ready, Belle? Take a deep breath, and let’s do this!

How to become a confident woman?

Step One: Find the primary source of your low self-esteem

It is common to assume that people with low self-confidence don’t see absolutely anything good in themselves. 

But that’s not how things really work…

Most of the time, even if a woman is not confident in her appearance, she can still be confident in her intellectual ability and career. 

Or, she may not feel like a confident woman in a relationship but has no doubt that she is conventionally attractive. 

Taking my confidence-building journey as an example, I used to be incredibly insecure about my appearance. Still, I wouldn’t believe anyone who called me dumb or incompetent at my job. 

Inevitably, with time, one thing will interfere with another. Low self-esteem will likely leak into other areas of life, occasionally in certain situations.

But even with that, most people can identify at least one thing they are good at, even when dealing with low self-confidence in certain areas.  

I know those things can seem controversial at first glance, but that’s the reality of most women with low self-confidence. 

When learning to build confidence, you need clarity on your main problem area. This honest perception is necessary for you to feel like you are running in circles without ever having actual results. 

Your confidence-building exercise for this step:

Write down the main areas of pain that affect your confidence. It could be your body, love life, social situations, or intellectual skills.  Allow yourself to be vulnerable and write it down where it is hurting.  

Also, it’s ok to have more than one sensitive area. But be clear about what your primary domain needs work. 

Step Two: Create a plan to build your self-confidence from the ground up

Now that you have become crystal clear on what the one thing that, if resolved, will build your confidence is, it’s time to create a plan! 

Your confidence-building exercise for this step:

This confidence-building exercise for this second step will look different to everyone. It really depends on what your answer to that first question was.

So here are a few confidence-building activities to get you started. Identify one you most closely relate to and use it as a starting point to create your confidence-building action plan:

If your confidence weakness is your intellectual aptitude 

Start watching YouTube videos on the subject you want to improve. You can also read books about the topic, enroll in online classes, listen to podcasts on the theme, etc. 

Surround yourself with information and educate yourself! This will create a new internal story: the one where you are growing, learning, and becoming a goddess on the one thing that used to scare you.

If your confidence weakness is your appearance

First, understand what bothers you. Is it the way you dress? Your weight? Your hair? Your skin? Be as specific as possible! 

Then start the same process: educate yourself! Research on body types, styling, style, different options for your type of hair… 

Start a Pinterest board with inspiration for the new you and bring all those ideas to reality. 

If what bothers you is your body and weight, be honest: 

• How much of this bother was created by trying to fit society’s standards? 

• If none of this was necessary to be considered “beautiful” by society, how much would it bother you?

If you are doing this for yourself, there is nothing wrong with changing your body. It’s yours, after all. 

If you conclude that it has more to do with outside pressure than anything else, I highly suggest you become familiar with the body positivity movement. It can set you free and boost your confidence.

This YouTube video is a great place to start!

If your confidence-weakness is relationships

Are insecurities popping up whenever there is a romantic prospect around?

You may be insecure when talking L-O-V-E for many reasons, so pay attention to them.

Is it related to a traumatizing past relationship or just the fear of not being good enough? Be honest with yourself when answering that.

I was wildly insecure about romantic relationships, but educating myself on the topic changed my life!

One of my favorite resources at the time was Matthew Hussey’s content. I remember binge-watching his videos while getting ready to go out, and lo and behold, less than two years after doing this, I met the man who became my husband and the love of my life. 

What I love about Matthews’ teaching is that everything always comes back to learning how to value ourselves before trying to get with anyone else. It goes beyond hacks and secrets to get the guy (or girl) of your dreams.

He recently published a new book that outlines the process and actionable steps for raising your standards, finding your purpose, and living happily. So, if this part especially resonated with you, this might be your next step.

If you want to get a jump start on learning how convenience and romantic relationships are connected, I recommend watching this video right here.

If your confidence-weakness is anything else

Girl, get educated!

I am a firm believer that education sets us free. It doesn’t matter where we feel trapped. 

When you learn about what scares you, you gain power over it. 

You start to see new aspects and perspectives. You come up with new ways to approach the challenge.

See the confidence-building activities here as a template for creating a become-confident plan for anything that makes you feel less than you are, my dear.

Step Three: Use your momentum to go deeper

Now that you are becoming intentional about building your confidence in your most sensitive area, it’s time to dig deeper.

Low self-confidence is a much more complex matter than it sounds. 

Your confidence-building exercise for this step:

For everlasting results that go way beyond a temporary confidence boost, you need to commit to a lifetime journey. It’s important to ask yourself and continue to investigate things such as:

• Who am I?
• What do I believe in?
• What are my non-negotiables in life?
• What drives me?
• What triggers me?

This continued self-discovery is one of the most challenging and beautiful rides you’ll ever take.

Learning how to become a confident woman (for real) is also an invitation to look at everything you’ve been through so far—all the things that made you, you, and decide what was beneficial and what you don’t wanna take with you anymore. 

Meaning: what parts of myself do I love and want to keep nourishing, and which parts of myself are not as aligned with the person I wanna become? 

This includes but is not limited to relationships, life experiences, biggest mistakes, biggest wins, personality traits, habits…

Use the strength and momentum you gain to implement your initial plan, dive deep inside yourself, and confront some old hang-ups. 

If you are feeling a little lost about how to start this process, I highly recommend checking out The 21-Day Self-Discovery Plan. There, I dive deep into all those “things” that seem to keep you from keeping up with your promises to yourself and stuck in a cycle of inconsistency and procrastination. 

It’s a 21-day journaling challenge that will guide you with actionable steps to dig deep into what is really going on inside this beautiful head, learn a simple system to explore your true values and passions, and then analyze and transform your past mistakes into some of your most powerful personal growth tools (leading to the continued self-discovery we have been talking about).

If this resonates with you, consider this your invitation for your next step in this beautiful confidence-building journey. 

Step Four: Create daily routines that support your confidence-building journey

In the beginning stages of confidence building, structure and intentionality might be some of your best allies. During this season, think of your confidence like a newborn that needs extra protection, attention, and nourishment. 

It’s important to start thinking about something to help you keep on track with your plan daily, even when you don’t feel like it.

Your confidence-building exercise for this step:

One of the best ways to do that is to create routines for your day! It can be something as simple as a 5-minute morning routine or a simple self-care night routine. 

These simple life routines will ensure consistency with your self-confidence-building plan. 

Take time for yourself daily and reserve precious minutes away from the craziness of life to devote to the most important person in your life: yourself.

♡ Here’s some inspiration to help you with starting a routine:

The Best Night Routine For Women: 4 Effortless Steps

How To Start A Morning Routine In 5-Minutes

6 Simple Morning Habits That Changed My Life

How To Start An Easy Self-Care Routine You’ll Love

My 5-Step Night Routine for a Productive Day

Step 5: Prioritize solitude

Adding a little more to the last step, I can’t express enough the importance of solitude during your confidence-building journey!

If you are not familiar with the concept of solitude, the Cambridge Dictionary defines this word as:

The situation of being alone, often by choice.

Solitude is the choice of separating ourselves from the outside world to spend quality time alone. 

This is especially important during your journey because you need time to process and reflect on all the changes, learnings, and lessons.

Be intentional about curating these precious moments of solitude to bring peace to your heart and mind amid chaos.

It can be as simple as taking yourself on a coffee shop date to read a book for a few hours, having an indulgent bubble bath with candles and good music, or just meditating on a late Sunday morning before going to brunch with your friends.

When you spend alone time with yourself, you start to notice things about yourself and your personality that you would never have noticed before.

You start to fall in love with the amazing woman that you are, learning new things about her. 

And that’s the secret sauce to being a confident woman! 

How to build confidence and self-esteem

Building confidence and self-esteem is all about self-compassion and treating oneself with kindness and understanding instead of self-criticism and self-loathing. It’s about learning to see yourself for who you truly are, defying all the lies you have been accustomed to taking as reality.

I cannot tell you how excited I am to know that you are committing to becoming everything you were created to be, my dear!

In what areas do you feel like your confidence needs improvement? And what things about yourself do you already feel confident about?

Let me know in the comments!

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